i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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