Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
