I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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