We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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