batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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