He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
