i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
