when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
