the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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