I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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