I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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