so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize