dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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