why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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