Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
