it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They have beer where we have blood.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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