Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize