Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
