Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
