I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize