Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
