i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
