Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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