4 words: hood of his car
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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