I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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