Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
