Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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