I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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