so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
