We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
