bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
