he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
