Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
