i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
