Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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