This girl is more easily done than said...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
