how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
