What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
