I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
