I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
