I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
