she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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