The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
