u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
