She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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