12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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