why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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