I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
