if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
