He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
