I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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