Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
why is half of my head shaved?
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