just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
