he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
