the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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