I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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