so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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