The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
