just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
