there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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