Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
