I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
