So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so much tequila, so little girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
