I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
