Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
