We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
