My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You can't motorboat a personality
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
