So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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