What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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