you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
