you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
