I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
