I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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