I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
