My hand turned me down
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
